I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
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I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
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Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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