hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
