I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
