my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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