I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize