i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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