Moan for me like Helen Keller
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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