I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My Sexting was not on an AP level
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
