so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
