When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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