It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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