More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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