Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
