Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
