I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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