There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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