im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
