im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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