mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
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My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
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I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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