I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
