I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
