we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You pole danced in your parka.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
