I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
