He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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