What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
foreskin is a definite game changer
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
