I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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