you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
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So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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