I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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