And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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