hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
