its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
