Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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