Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
