Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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