dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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