I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
