I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize
