hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
