Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
