He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
