just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
