Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize