I wanna bring you to show and tell
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
