i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
