If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
