textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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