I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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