I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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