so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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