That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
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Princesses don't give blow jobs
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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