He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
