I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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