I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
