Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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