Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
