why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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