I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
