he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
