in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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