I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
