You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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