haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
