Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
