Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My vagina is officially offended.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
