Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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