I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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