Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
