I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
