i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I fill condoms, not promises.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Drunk is a universal language darling
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
