I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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