i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you didnt know i had herpes?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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