Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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