Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
