then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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