the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dicks are not precious.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
