I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
