I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
