I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
